Thursday, October 04, 2007

How do you let go?

It's been over 2 years since my MawMaw died. At times, the pain is unbearable. I miss so very much....I have cried on & off since she died. I keep thinking of all the things I should have done or said before she went. I should have called her the day before her surgery. I have a horrible amount of guilt because I was too afraid to call. Why didn't I call her? On top of that guilt...I even have more guilt....I should have been there when she died. I could have held her hand while she passed. I listened to my family who told me not to come. They told me she was going to be fine. The surgery had a 50/50 success rate for her broken down body. I chose to believe she could conquer the world....After all she was MY MawMaw. Why did I not go home to say I love you one last time? I have moments where I must believe God was holding me back because he knew I could not handle watching her die. MawMaw was very ill for the last 2 years of her life. She is now in Heaven with God, pain free......Praise God for the Power of His Love.

I keeping thinking of the Surgeon's who told my family MawMaw was not going to make it. How do they get courage to go tell a Patients family they were not going to make it or that the Patient already died on the operating table? How do you tell a Patients Family their Loved One is not going to be around anymore? I could not even call my Friends back in New Orleans to tell them my MawMaw left this earth too soon! When I needed them the most, I could not reach out. I did not want to even admit it to myself she was gone.

I am Strong because I am a child of the Prince of Peace. God provides my strength when it has been depleted. I fully believe the pain of losing a Loved One never completely goes away. Also, I do not believe the old saying "time heals all wounds"....Our Precious Savior Heals & Comforts. I am Thankful to you Lord. Thanks for your Mighty Healing Hands.

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